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TENCHI MUYO
(No Need for Heaven and Earth)
by Damien Roc

Heaven can wait
We're only watching the skies
Hoping for the best
But expecting the worst
Are you going to drop the bomb or not??????
-Alphaville "Forever Young"

Dane sighted down the length of the barrel at the two figures as they entered the bar. "Don't get many angels this far south." They turned
and squinted into the sun coming through the window behind him. The short, fat one froze.

"We are just two travelers, human," the taller angel said as he spread his arms. "And angels. We mean you no harm."

"I got no need for Angels," Dane said, keeping the rifle steady at the angel's neck. "I don't like your kind."

"We can leave then, right Att?" The short angel tugged on the tall one's arm.

"Listen to your buddy, 'Att'," Dane said. "Just walk out of here, and I forget I ever saw an angel in Mozambique."

"I do not think so," said the tall one. "I'm tired and thirsty, I'll have a drink here and now." Without looking away from Dane, he grabbed
a chair and slid it over then sat down across the table.

Dane cocked the hammer. "You've got balls, angel. I'm not joking, move your feathers and get out of here." Dane heard a flush and the
bathroom door opened.

"Dane? What's the problem?" Jess walked across the room with short steps, her sun-hat clutched tightly and held against her chest.

"You were just about to leave, right, 'Att'?" Dane stood up, pushing his chair back with his legs. "Now."

The angel leaned back and crossed his arms. "Answer the lady, human. Girlfriend of yours?"

"Dane, you said we wouldn't get into any trouble," Jess said.

"Ain't none of your business, angel. Get out of here, now!"

"No, Dane!" Jess grabbed at the rifle barrel. Dane jerked it away from her, pulled his hand away from the trigger and let it drop. The gun
clattered on the floor at his feet.

"I think my friend and I will have a drink, bartender. A round to the lady and gentleman for their trouble, too." The man behind the bar
worked his mouth a few times before complying. "Greetings, then, since we are having a drink together. You are Dane, I am Attrial. My
compatriot is Povus."

"Hi, I'm Jess!" She thrust her hand forward to shake the angel's hand. Attrial stared at it for a moment, then grasped it and shook a few
times.

The bartender brought them drinks. Dane gripped his tightly, taking few sips as Attrial began to speak of the adventures the two Angels
had taken part in regarding the war. He pressed himself down in the chair, pulling his hat down and stared out with narrowed eyes.
The war started before Dane was born. It had rather quickly run across the Middle East, but a containment action by the armies of God had
ensured that it spread no further. For decades constant battle reduced the area to wasteland. Despite the violence, Dane had always ignored
the war, it was a distant thing.

Until it broke out. After finally achieving a position that would grant victory for the forces of Heaven, something had gone wrong, and
the legions of Hell had broken out. Within two days, the dark forces had reached Spain, and in their wake they left a trail of broken
property and dead bodies. A few months later, most of North Africa had been put in a similar state, and the surviving humans left everything
from the Alps to the Sahara as a new battlefield.

Dane noted the increase in population, and the problems that came along with it at the time, but the war still seemed distant. Then the
warriors started arriving. These emotionally broken men stirred unrest into society around Dane, eventually forcing him and a few friends to
pack up and leave. He had found that men were easy to avoid, if one knew where to go. Dane knew those things, but angels were new.

He pulled out of his thoughts and studied the faces around the table. The tall angel, making gestures to illustrate points, even using the
tips of his wings to help his hands. Attrial did not look at Dane, his attention was focused on Jess, who added comments when she could,
coaxing him on. Dane gritted his teeth and suppressed the urge to grab Jess and rush out of the bar.

His gaze drifted past the Attrial and Jess, and Dane caught the other angel, Povus, staring at him. After a few moments Povus's eyes
widened. A small smile crossed the angel's lips and he rolled his eyes. Dane felt the corners of his lips tug upwards, and Povus's smile
broke out into a grin. The angel laughed silently.

Dane arched his eyebrow and glanced at Attrial. Povus shrugged and leaned forward, opening his mouth to break into the conversation. Dane
sat up straighter, tipped his hat back, and started listening.

"… Helping achieve victory, pyrric though it was," Attrial was saying. "And, because of the circumstances, Povus and myself made a decision
placing us in our current situation."

"What was that?" Jess asked.

"They went AWOL," Dane said.

"Um, yes, but not quite how I would phrase it," Attrial said.

"Wow, that was so exciting," Jess said. "Do you think you'll be in more adventures like those?"

"It is possible, but I do not know how likely."

"I hope it doesn't again," Povus said, "I've had enough war."

"But isn't it grand and heroic?" Jess asked.

"Not really," Dane said. "'Short bursts of terror amidst long periods of boredom.' Isn't that how war is described?" He stood up. "We've got
to be going, come on, Jess."

"Oh, but, Dane…" she said, but stood up and put on her sun hat.

"We've got a lot of ground to cover." Dane picked up his rifle and leaned it on the table, then slid on his backpack.

"If I might ask, where are you headed?" Attrial stood and lay his hand on Jess's arm. "Povus and I have no destination planned, so perhaps we
might travel with you."

"That would be fun," Jess said.

"You wouldn't want to, angel, we're headed north. And besides, I don't want you to. It's best for us to part now, and I can forget about
you." Dane shouldered in between Attrial and Jess, and pulled her away from the angel.

"But we could help you! We know how the armies work, how to avoid them."

Dane stopped walking towards the door and turned around. Attrial stood straight, hands pinching the seams of his pants. "You'd follow us."

Dane said. "I can't stop you." Attrial did not move, but Povus - still stretched out in a chair and facing the wall - nodded. Dane shrugged. "Pay the bar tab and let's go."

Outside, Povus held Dane back. "Watch Att around her, okay. He's a bit of a charmer." Dane nodded, and they watched as Attrial began to tell
more stories to Jess. "Girlfriend?" Povus asked.

"Sister of a friend, but he died a few years ago. She didn't take it well. I take care of her."

***
three months later
the Sahara Desert

Dane saw the demon off in the distance, its long nose pointed straight up as it sniffed the air. He squinted against the red evening sun
backlighting the small creature then inhaled sharply, catching a whiff of dust off the desert, beneath that was something subtle - moisture.
It would rain that night.

The demon rolled onto its back and began to rub its belly, cackling while its single-clawed feet curled into round Os. Dane wondered what
discovery it had made. He took his gaze off of the creature and scanned the area. They had been without fresh food for nearly two
weeks, but he saw nothing to alleviate that.

He sniffed the air again; rain. Dane smiled, food would be available soon.

"Did you get food?" Jess asked, greeting him with a hug. Dane did not like her familiarity, but only lightly pushed her away.

Dane shook his head. "Tomorrow," he said.

Jess grinned. "I'll be hungry then."

"Mistress!" At the scream, Dane whirled around, pushing Jess down. Dane drew up his rifle as he scanned for a target. He saw a flurry of
blue-black movement against the darkening ground.

"Beautiful! Mistress!" the small demon shrieked again, bouncing a few times as it tried to gain purchase with its hands to speed itself up.
Dane thumbed back the hammer to fire.

"Well, what do we have here?" Attrial stepped into the demon's path. "Oh. Trash. Are you bothering the humans, trash?"

His wings flicking out a few times like a shiver, Attrial slowly circled the quivering creature, leaning in towards it with a large
grin on his face. The small demon tried to hide behind its stubby arms, large eyes blinking rapidly.

"Crolius," it said. It flicked a glance past Dane. "Mistress?"

Attrial sighed. "Not only is it trash, it is trash with a limited vocabulary." He reached down and plucked the demon from the ground
with forefinger and thumb.

"I don't think it's a good idea to mess with that little guy, Att," Povus said.

"You worry too much, Povus. This little thing probably got left behind for being useless. Who would care if we disposed of it?

"No! You can't hurt him!," Jess said as she pushed past Dane. She reached for the demon, but Attrial danced out of the way. "He's cute."

"It is going to get in our way, Jess. There is a safety factor here, and I worry about your well being. It is best to get rid of it."

"No," Dane said. "We don't take sides."

Attrial narrowed his eyes at Dane. "Fine." He tossed the demon away, it bounced once before Jess scooped it up into a hug. "I am not
worrying about it."

They came upon the remains military patrol two days later. "It's from the Heaven side," Povus said, picking up a tatter of white cloth.

"Get anything useful. We can cross the Med if there's enough," Dane said.

"Scenes like this were pretty regular a while ago," Povus said. "More bodies, then, but this is still ugly."

"The big problem with this war is that it keeps dragging on and on," Attrial stood up and spread his wings and arms, encompassing the surrounding landscape. "Everyone in Heaven thought it would be a quick battle. Neither side is ever going to win because there is no way to gain or press an advantage.

"Guys like you have the right idea, Dane. Just forget about it, worry about number one, and get on with life. If something happens to go my way, some opportunity in my favor, I would grab it. But for now, we just avoid. Right, Povus?"

Povus blinked at Attrial. "I guess."

Dane looked up from the pile he had amassed. "We'd better get moving soon. Dodge the scavengers."

"Are you scared, Dane? Scavengers are no worry, that is why Povus and myself came along."

"Crolius, you stop picking at that." Jess dropped a few things into a small pile and approached the demon. It pulled its mouth away from the face of a body, cheeks bulging. An eyeball dangled from its lips.

"It's not nice to do those sort of things," Jess said. Crolius swallowed its mouthful in a big gulp.

Dane quickly pressed them on beyond the patrol, none of them wanting to meet with whatever had destroyed it. They reached the edge of the former Mediterranean sea in under a week.

"Will we be able to make it across?" Jess asked. The land dropped away to the dry sea bed, cracked and weathered out in front of them.

"If we hurry, and no one slows us down," Attrial said. "Or I could fly the two of us across, Jess, and we could wait for Dane and Povus."

"We'll stick together," Dane said. He pulled Jess away before Attrial could touch her. "Put the demon down and let it walk, Jess. You'll
need your strength."

***
two weeks later
Europe

"Most amazing about this war is that the Pope still insists on staying in the Vatican," Attrial said as they started up the foothills leading to the boot of Italy. "As if there is still some power to the Catholic Church. He should have ran off to the Americas like anyone else intelligent."

"What about the British Isles?" Povus asked.

"What? Why would anyone go to Britain?"

"It's not so bad there, Att. I think they've even got electricity."

"Which is what compared to three thousand miles of protective ocean?"

"England's a good place to head," Dane said. "Or Scandinavia. It's a lot cheaper than going for the States."

Attrial sniffed. "They have power, and safety, in the Americas."

They stayed along Italy's coast up through the former Adriatic Sea, turning westward when they reached the base of the Alps.

"What happened to the mountains?" Povus asked. The peaks were broken and blackened. "It wasn't like this the last time we were around here.

"Maybe we should check it out."

"Dunno if that's a good idea, Att. I don't like the feel of this area. We should move along."

"Where's your sense of adventure, Povus?"

"I'm not here for adventure. I'm here for survival, same as you."

"We're running low on supplies," Dane said as he pulled Crolius from one of the packs. Cracker crumbs dribbled down the demon's chin. "We'll have to find a town soon."

"This is not a good place to choose to survive in. There is nothing around. Nothing for three decades, at least." Attrial kicked at a rock.

"Life has a way of fighting, Att."

"Not here, Povus."

Dane shrugged. "Too late to turn around now."

"It would have helped if you had thought of these things before we left all instances of food, Dane."

"So, leave, angel. Or help. We can't eat today, but we have to find something tomorrow." Dane passed the demon to Jess. She hugged it tightly. "Keep it out of the food from now on." She nodded as they lay down to sleep.

The town they found hardly counted as such. A few tumbledown shacks and not even twenty people. They hid Crolius in a bag while they talked with the people.

The surrounding area and the shoddy look of their buildings belied the healthy people living there. "We've even got some crops going," one of the men said. "Nothing green, yet, but we're hoping. We'll beat this land. Say, you with the army or something? That tall angel of yours looks quite a fright."

"Something, yeah," Dane said, picking out a few potatoes and beets. The people were happy to trade away generously. Apparently the group were not the first travelers to pass by.

"We've heard that there's some natural plant growth northeast of here."

"Then why don't you travel there?" Povus asked. "It's gotta be better than here."

"We're needed here, and we want for little. Sometimes it even rains."

A day and a half northward, they found a river. In contrast to the blackened mountains it ran from, the water was clear. "Think it's safe?" Povus looked up the mountains.

Crolius sped past the others and hopped into the river, splashing around. Water began to steam around the little demon. Howling, it jumped out of the water. "It burns, Mistress! It burns, it burns!"

"It's pure water. Safe enough for us," Dane dropped down next to the river and began filling canteens while Jess dried the little demon off.

They followed the river as it ran to the northwest. Despite the ready supply of water, the land stayed the same gray-brown.

"The land is fighting back real well, Povus," Attrial said.

"Slowly, Att. It's just fighing back slowly."

The river eventually flowed out into a small valley. "We camp here tonight," Dane said. "It's beautiful!" Jess said. "I've never seen so much green."

"Nice, but not as nice as the world used to be. There are no trees here," Attrial said. "France used to have some trees."

"Don't be a spoilsport, Att." Povus smiled. "This is the best we've seen in years." Attrial glared at the shorter angel.

"Croley, don't wander too far!" Jess said as they set up camp. The demon grinned widely, then turned about and rushed off. "I hope he'll be okay."

"Help me with this tent," Dane said. He flung it out towards her, and Jess caught it. They eased the tent over its frame.

"Do you hear that?" Jess asked. "Little animals in the ground."

Povus turned towards Attrial. "See, Att? Life fights back."

"But for how long? This might not be permanent. Even the Mediterranean has had some temporary oasis."

Dane picked up his rifle. "We don't have any meat. I'll see if I can catch something." Despite the number of animals around, he could not find anything large enough to eat, and returned to the camp empty handed. Jess and Povus had managed to find a few tubers to eat, however.

"I'm worried about Crolius," Jess said. "He hasn't come back."

"Don't worry, Jess," Povus said. "I'm sure he's okay, just exploring."

"Or maybe he died," Attrial offered.

Later in the evening, Crolius returned, bouncing around a bend, its little legs pumping furiously. "Mistress! Mistress!"

"What is it, Croley?" Jess dropped her bag and hunched down as the demon ran up.

"Loud group. Coming." Hopping up and down, Crolius pointed behind itself. "Chase."

"Chase?" Attrial flew up above them. "An army!" he said, peering in the direction Crolius had come. "It led them right to us!"

"I hear something," Povus said, pointing in the opposite direction. "That way." Down the valley, another army, burning with fire, charged towards them.

"We're in the middle of a battlefield." Dane started stuffing things back into their packs. "We've got to move."

The first army, glowing white, rounded the bend. "Too close." Povus said.

"Crolius do bad?" the little demon asked, tugging at Dane's leg.

"Later." He spun around, looking at the legion of Hell coming at them from the other side. "Jess! Get running now!"

Povus hoisted the bag dropped by Jess as well as his own. He beat his wings hard and rose a little above the ground. "Too. Heavy."

Dane pointed upslope. "Just need to get out of their way. And try with that thing. Jess can't run with it, we can." He kicked at Crolius. "Move, demon."

Povus flapped hard, but wavered as he flew along. "Where's Attrial?"

"Worry about him later." Dane started jogging after Jess. He glanced back at the Heaven army.

The lead elements ran past Povus and Dane, horses neighing as their riders tried to dodge the pair. The ground thundered beneath them as more warriors beat past. Something clipped one of Dane's packs, knocking him to the ground. He rolled aside as a horse and chariot plowed through the supplies. He grabbed the remaining bag tight and struggled to his feet, forcing against the tide of bodies to Povus.

"Drop a pack, we don't have time for this." Mutely, the angel complied, then beat hard and rose above Dane.

"See you on the edge."

"Keep Jess safe."

Povus nodded and flew away. Dane picked up the discarded bag, crumpled on one end, and pushed forward again.

Suddenly, hands grasped under Dane's shoulders and pulled him into the air. "I'm probably going to regret saving you, human, but you have the food." Attrial laughed as his strong wings pulled the two up above the army. Shouts of anger and pain rose up to them as the forces of Heaven and Hell met head-on. The group struggled up the side of the valley, away from the clashing armies. Povus found a fairly level spot for their camp. Dane began to sort through their remaining supplies to determine what was still usable.

"We'll have to stop at a town pretty soon," Povus noted after they had discarded over half of their gear. "Again." Crolius began picking through the junk pile.

Dane looked out over the battlefield. "Soon, too. It's spreading this way." He started putting things into packs.

"Look at them!" Attrial pointed down the valley where the two small armies fought. "It's pathetic, both sides have gaping holes in their defense, but no way to exploit the other's weaknesses."

"Come on, Att, let's get out of here." Povus tugged at Attrial's arm. "But we could," Attrial said, shrugging Povus's hand off. "Even just us…" He glanced down at Crolius. "… Four could tear them apart."

"We don't want to fight!" Jess said.

Attrial's hands slowly tightened into fists. "Think of the power we'd have if we did this."

"It's a bad idea, Att. We stay out of their way, they leave us alone, remember."

"Povus, you are weak. You're scared."

"He's right, Attrial. No involvement."

"Talk on like that, Dane. 'No involvement.' It is your one phrase monotony. Come up with some original advice. Please."

Jess interposed between Attrial and Dane. "Don't you talk to Dane that way."

Dane reached to pull her back. "No, Jess."

Attrial turned towards her. "How about having a little fun, Jess?"

"No!" Dane jumped past Jess towards Attrial. A swift kick contacted his chin. He spun to the ground, tasting blood.

"You don't even play with your girlfriend, Dane. She's feeling neglected." Attrial began to unbutton his pants.

Dane felt the footsteps before he heard them, deep and resounding through his bones. He looked up and saw a huge set of matte-blue armor cresting a rise towards them. A long sword with a wide blade hung loosely in its hand. It stopped a few meters away, head turning slowly back and forth.

Attrial dropped Jess and Dane scrambled over to her, pulling her up and away from the angels and the armor.

"If it's isn't God's last boy scout. Come to join our little band, Armageddon? The final battle wearing a bit on you?"

Armageddon took a step forward, and the suit of armor turned to a blue mist and faded away. It left a boy in blue t-shirt, jeans and jacket, no more than sixteen. He approached Attrial with the same gravity of the armor.

The angel raised his eyebrows. "This is the great leader of God's armies? I'm surprised Lucifer didn't win ages ago."

The boy speared Attrial with a glare. "Fallen," he said. He took a step forward, the blue mist appearing around his body and congealing into the armor.

Attrial's eyes went wide. He backpedaled away from Armageddon, gravel kicking out under his feet. He spun around and his wings beat once. A blue-gauntlet grasped on one of them and pulled.

The bones did not so much snap as shatter. Feathers tore loose as Armageddon slammed the angel back to the earth. Attrial beat his wings again, still attempting escape, then let loose a howl of pain. Sweat dripped down his face.

"Please," he said as the sword misted into Armageddon's hand.

Armageddon pulled Attrial up, holding his wings so his feet barely touched the ground. The sword slashed down through the wings without resistance. Attrial tumbled to the ground in a heap, one small stub remaining on his back that quickly melted into a misshapen black lump. Armageddon dropped the wings that puffed into white smoke upon hitting the ground.

Crolius edged towards where Attrial had fallen. It prodded the fallen angel with its toe, but got no response.

The armor turned to blue mist and disappeared again. "Too late for redemption," the boy said. "Demon, take this to your master. If you survive…" The boy turned his gaze towards heaven. "… You may return to me.

"And you," he turned towards Povus. The angel lowered his head and quivered, wings drooping. "Get back to your unit. I'll discuss this incident later."

"Hey, later, Dane." Povus tried to smile.

"Go."

"'Bye, Povus." Jess waved as the angel took flight. He spun around once in the air and waved back at her.

Armageddon looked at the two humans, regarding them with a frown for a moment, then turned and walked back towards the battlefield.

Dane picked up his pack and started hiking away with Jess in tow, leaving a small demon struggling to haul a fallen angel to Hell.

***

"I'm cold," Jess complained. Dane opened his eyes, blinking up at the stars. He sat up, tugging down at the zipper to his sleeping bag.

"Open your bag," he told her, stepping out into the chill night. Goose pimples perked up across his arms and legs. He knelt down pulling his bag next to hers as she complied. Placing the opposing zippers together, he combined the two bags into one. He slid down the bag next to her, and she snuggled up against him.

Dane edged his arm around her shoulders, holding her close. "Better now?"

Jess smiled. "You won't love me?" Dane shook his head. "Then this is enough for now." Even so, she pressed up against him harder. Dane felt her nipples against his chest through her night shirt.

She giggled suddenly. "Ooh! You've got a boner."

"No," he told her as she started to shimmy out of her shirt. She stopped and he slowly started to rock her body. Within a few minutes, she was snoring softly, her mouth forming a small O against his collarbone.

Dane let go of her shoulder and crossed his hands behind his head. He looked up, the stars twinkling against the black velvet sky.

When you need a friend, don't look to a stranger,
You know in the end, I'll always be there.
But when you're in doubt, and when you're in danger,
Take a look all around, and I'll be there.
-When in Rome, "The Promise"


Thanks to Kiwi for helping bridge the gap.

About the title: Tenchi, in Japanese, means literally "heaven (ten)
and earth (chi)." Muyo can be translated, variously, as "useless" or
"no need for." The anime title Tenchi Muyo! (No Need for Tenchi) was
created by Masaki Kajishima and Hiroki Hayashi, and is released by
Pioneer LDC, Inc. The comic No Need For Tenchi, by Hitoshi Okuda is
released by Viz Communications, original published by Kadokawa Shoten.

Damien Roc

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