MECHA SERIES NINE A completely random MechAnime parody by Lawrence Chu A Product of My Imagination *** BIOGRAPHICAL INFORMATION FOR THE DESIGNATED PILOTS *** Name: Kiyakuma Makiko Mecha: Ten no Bakusai Satsu Gender: Female ("Divine Death Blast") Age: 17 Height: 30'7 Hair: Black Armaments: Eyes: Brown -Laser Rifle with battery pack Height: 5'6" good for 3000 shots Personality: Cute, charasmatic, and -Shoulder-based Shi-Ne Missile completely charming, "Kiku" is the Launcher, 30 HE missiles group's Politically Correct leader. -Customizable chassis for other Probably the only "normal" person in weapons as necessary the group, she is the one that plans -Jump boots the strategies and such for all of them. History: While on a camping trip in the woods one day, Kiku found herself separated from the rest of the group. Trying to find them, she stumbled upon an old cave where she took shelter for a while. However, while resting on one of the rocks, she accidentally opened up a portal to an alternate dimension. Inside, a foot-tall creature was working on what looked like a giant humanoid robot. After doing the sensible thing and screaming, the creature turned around and said that he was expecting her, and that three others would soon join. The creature introduced itself as Matato Ha'kuno, from the planet Puumba. It was a rogue scientist from a planet bent on universal conquest. Apparently, they had a feud with Earth, after the broadcast of some transmissions from an idol singer reached their planet. This meant that they were going to send in troops from Puumba, now immunized to this powerful weapon known as bad singing, and take on the earth in squadrons of no more than thirty at a time. The ultimate objective on Earth is, according to the official documents, to "blow things up. Oh, yeah, we might want to enslave the Earthlings or something." Ha'kuno happened to overhear this on its way to a meeting, and got out of there quicksmart and created its own subdimensional lab. In there, it started creating the one weapon that the Earthlings could use against the Puumban army and possibly hold them back with, known as the Mecha Series 9. And Kiku was prophesied in ancient Puumban lore to pilot the first model. Actually, the exact words were something to the effect of "and some day, the first Earthlings to contact the Puumbans will end them." Kiku just stood in awe, because she didn't understand Ha'kuno's language. After a bit of fiddling with his translation device, everything seemed to work out all right, except "Mecha Series 9" kept on coming out like "Bucket of Cherry Wine." That got that cleared up after Ha'kuno wrote the words out in kanji. Her first introduction to her mecha was a simple training session. The designation given to it was "Ten no Bakusai Satsu," which was imperfect Japanese for "Heaven's Blasting Death" or "Divine Death Blast," because not even Puumban genius scientists are complete polyglots. The uniform she needed to pilot the mecha was...well, let's just say it was tight. There were also some strategically placed transparent areas because of vital information transferred through optics in those areas of the suit, not to mention the number of fanboys she would gain from it. After basic weapons training, she was sent back to Earth, where no more than a minute had passed (cross-dimensional time topography works weird in that way), so as not to disturb Ha'kuno's reconstruction of the now-partially-destroyed lab. She was handed a device that suspiciously looked like a wristwatch with a TV built into it with which she could communicate with Ha'kuno in a relative real-time synchronization. Through its use, Ha'kuno would eventually contact her to warn her of an offensive. Little did she know how quickly her first assignment would come... Actually, she should've known. After all, when several hours are spent in one dimension and they arrive back within a minute, a couple of years could be over within a week. At least, reason would dictate that. You'd hope. Luckily, her first assignment was only a scout who was searching for Earth and found it. She summoned her mecha and took him out, no sweat. However, further missions would probably prove to be even harder... Significance of her name: KIYAKU - Agreement, promise MA - Extra syllable. Means "horse." MAKIKOMU - To drag into KIYAKUMA MAKIKO - No particular definition, but: NOTES: The name itself is a play on words, making it sound like "being forced into a promise," or maybe "coerced." She IS being dragged into all of this, after all. *** Name: Kujigoku Shin Mecha: Kujigoku no Hiryuu Gender: Male ("The Dragon of the Nine Hells") Age: 16 Height: 29'11" Hair: Brown Armaments: Eyes: Brown -Flamethrower cannon with clips Height: 5'11" that can last for 5 minutes Personality: The most aggressive -Vibroblade for melee fights person on the team, Shin probably -10cm Have a Nice Day (HAND) accounts for the most kills per Rocket Launcher, 5 Incendiary mission. However, he also probably Rockets. accounts for the biggest budget -Jump Boots problems per mission, assuming that there were budget problems. Enjoys beating up on people. Impatient, too. History: On a day he was challenged to a private brawl in a wood, Shin mixed up the directions and found himself at a cave. Figuring that this was the place, he walked in and accidentally tripped on a rock, and landed on his face. However, the rock his face landed on gave way and opened up the dimensional portal to Ha'kuno's lab. On impulse, he leaped into the portal. He happened to land on top of a certain Kiyakuma Makiko, who was suiting up for more basic training. After Ha'kuno demonstrated various Puumban healing technologies on Shin, he told Kiku that Shin was the Second Child to help pilot Mecha Series Nine. He explained his story again, this time to Shin. Luckily, Kiku was able to help translate some of the rough spots in the translator box. After that, he introduced Shin to his new mecha: "Hanae" or "Flower Branch." After Ha'kuno demonstrated various Puumban healing technologies on himself, he and Shin decided to redesignate it to something more of Shin's liking: "Kujigoku no Hiryuu." Shin liked it because it sounded just like his name and sounded cool at the same time. After being issued his uniform (which was similar to Kiku's save for the location of the transparent optics) he was given a preliminary run-through of his weapons, including a flame-thrower and incendiary rockets. After several hours of putting fires out in the testing room (and Ha'kuno swearing to create a damage-proof room) both he and Kiku were sent back to the cave. Shin found his brawl and defeated his opponent. Shin was bare-handed, and his opponent carried a knife. One final note: Anyone who ever says "Bless you" after he says his last name gets beaten up. Quickly. Significance of his name: KUJI - Past event GOKU - Words SHIN - Compassionate KUJIGOKU SHIN - Kind words from the past NOTES: Funny, considering Shin's attitude towards everybody. Also, Kujigoku can be pronounced to mean "Nine Hells." Can we say "bad pun?" *** Name: Takeshi Ukyou Mecha: Kasumi Gender: Male ("Mist") Age: 17 Height: 29'0" Hair: Blond Armaments: Eyes: Brown -Chaingun, bandoliers holding Height: 5'10" 100,000 rounds of ammunition Personality: A diligent person in -Vibroblade for melee fights the field, Ukyou is very lazy when -HAND RPG launcher with 10 HE off duty. Although devoted to his grenades, 5 smoke grenades girlfriend, his pranks (which are -Jump Boots generally lecherous in nature) usually get him punished in one way or another (example given involved Kiku, a camera, and a banana). Significance of his name: TAKESHI - Brave (archaic) UKYOU - Right Capital (Typical boy's name) TAKESHI UKYOU - No particular significance NOTES: Ukyou is a name taken from Ranma 1/2. The mecha he pilots is "Kasumi." Go figure. Takeshi...well...that was pure coincidence. But it worked pretty well, huh? *** Name: Sakamoto Hanako Mecha: Nozomu Kami Gender: Female ("To see the Gods") Age: 16 Height: 28'8" Hair: Brown Armaments: Eyes: Blue -Chaingun, bandoliers holding Height: 5'11 100,000 rounds of ammunition Personality: Actually, she's more -Vibroblade for melee fights normal than Kiku is. For some reason, -2 A-M (Anti-Mecha) Mines, people keep forgetting her name. proximity-based However, her tendency to be normal -Jump Boots allows her to blend into the background than most people. Loves her boyfriend, and studies fairly often. Siginificance of her name: SAKAMOTO - Base of the Hill HANAKO - Flower, blossom SAKAMOTO HANAKO - No particular definition, but: NOTES: Sakamoto and Hanako are two really generic names, kinda like "Jane Smith" in English. Sakamoto is also the name of one of Godai's friends in Maison Ikkoku, and Hanako has the same problem that he does (Kyoko forgets his name), but on a much larger scale (anyone she isn't familiar with forgets it). *** Name: Matato Ha'kuno Gender: Male, or rough equivalent Age: Pretty damn old Hair: Light coat of brown fur Eyes: Dark brown/black Height: 1'00 Personality: Mysterious guy. Seems to want to use the Mecha Series Nine for his own motivations, one of which is saving the Earth. Has a kind of Yotsuya-esque sense of cloudiness as to his actual background. Significance of his name: Well, there's nothing really significant about his name, as far as I can tell. His name, if you westernize it (i.e. Surname last), is a veiled reference to "The Lion King," as is the planet he comes from. There's not much else to say about it.