I tried to take a break from writing insane things, I really did.  I even 
managed to stop working on FSC for a whole 24 hours (so far!) in order to let 
my co-authors catch up.  But then, a brief, silly add-on to an earlier post 
turned into full-blown, ugly inspiration, and this was the result...

Neofelis nebulosa presents: 
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Sodalite's Science Corner!
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<SD Sodalite (labcoat and all) with slides, projection screen and laser pointer>

Greetings, AFSMers.  Today's topic is: senshi biology.  Many of you have no 
doubt wondered exactly how and why our favorite senshi run around with hair 
and eyes in coloring-book hues, or hair longer than they are tall.  I am here 
today to present you with the science behind senshi, or at least a reasonable 
facsimile.

<Sodalite riffles through slides, and sticks the first set into the projector.  
A close-up image of Sailor Pluto comes up on the screen.>

Starting with the furthest of the Outer Senshi and working our way inwards, we 
have here Sailor Pluto, aka Setsuna Meiou, she of the seven-foot green hair and 
ruby-colored eyes.  Sailor Pluto has some of the most taxing energy requirements 
(only Moon and Saturn are in her class) of any of the senshi, what with time 
control and an exceptionally powerful attack.  

<Sodalite uses the laser pointer to trace the length of Pluto's hair>

It is now known that she fulfills these requirements in part through photosynthesis.  
Her hair is green because each cell is packed with energy-gathering chloroplasts, 
which absorb the sunlight and convert the solar energy to ATP (cellular energy) 
and oxygen.  It has attained its impressive length for a simple reason; normal 
human hair is made up of keratin, and is dead tissue once it leaves the follicle.  
Setsuna's hair, because of the chloroplasts within, is a living part of her body, 
and would therefore be painful to cut; in additon, the long, thin strands of hair 
mean that the longer her hair is, the more surface area is available for 
energy-gathering.  

<Sodalite uses the pointer to indicate the irises of her eyes>

Setsuna's eyes are red because of an absence of pigment; this is related to yet 
another energy-gathering tactic.  Normally, our eyes are pigmented in order to 
filter UV radiation and therefore prevent the formation of cataracts.  Due to 
her phenomenal regenerative powers related to her immortality, Setsuna needn't 
worry about this.  Instead, she uses the UV radiation as yet another energy source.  

<Sodalite fiddles with the projector a moment, then presses a button to bring up 
Sailors Neptune and Uranus>

Sailor Neptune, aka Michiru Kaioh.  Her most distinguishing feature is her 
wavy turquoise hair.  At first, we were stumped in our efforts to determine 
the energy benefits of turquoise hair.  It then occured to us that it serves 
no energy benefit per se; it is warning coloration.  We now believe that 
Michiru is actually poisonous.  While none of our research team could be 
convinced into actually getting close enough to her to obtain a sample for 
study, we feel that this poison is probably related to the neurotoxins 
produced by many marine fish.

<The laser moves from Neptune to Uranus>

Sailor Uranus, aka Haruka Ten'ou.  Haruka, unlike the rest of the senshi, 
is curiously masculinized; she lacks the high, feminine voice and, um, 
"talent" of her fellows.  Although the researcher who drew the short straw 
was decisively thwarted in her efforts to obtain a blood sample and conduct 
a physical examination, we theorize that Haruka has abnormal levels of 
androgens, such as testosterone.  This would give her greater physical 
strength, aggressiveness, and a deeper voice than a normal senshi.  This 
phenomenon is also seen in female spotted hyneas, who have such high levels 
of androgens that they are larger and stronger than the males.  In theory, 
it would also do interesting things to Haruka's (ahem) external reproductive 
organs, but our study is incomplete and likely to remain that way. 

<Sodalite presses the button, and the image on the projection screen changes to 
that of Sailor Saturn>

Next, we address the question of Sailor Saturn, aka Hotaru Tomoe, she of the 
white skin and deep violet eyes and hair.  She also has tremendous energy 
requirements; the stored-up power to destroy the world, and the slightly more 
everyday expenditure needed to tote around a Silence Glaive bigger than she is.

<she points to Hotaru's milk-pale face>

Saturn is yet another UV-radiation user; where Setsuna lacks pigment in her 
eyes, Hotaru's entire skin is pigmentless.  She soaks up massive amounts of 
UV just by going to the beach.  It is this scientist's belief that her weakness 
and fainting spells before she awakened as Sailor Saturn were due to the fact 
that she spent most of her time holed up out of the sun, thus depriving herself 
of an important energy source.

<Sodalite indicates Hotaru's dark-purple eyes and hair>

Although we see her eyes and hair as being a purple-black color, that is only 
because her true "color" is outside the spectrum visible to humans, in the 
ultraviolet range.  This means that her hair and eyes reflect UV rather than 
absorbing it.  Since this seems counter-productive to her energy-gathering 
needs, we have come to believe that Hotaru is pollinated by insects, which can 
see the UV spectrum and are attracted to this sort of coloration.  Our theory 
has not yet developed to the point where we can explain why.

<Sodalite ducks a test-tube thrown from offscreen.  "Now CUT THAT OUT!" she shouts 
in the direction the test-tube came from.  "If you'd just keep your daughter away 
from beehives, you wouldn't have any more problems!  It's not MY fault!"  Maniacal 
laughter from offscreen.  Sodalite sweatdrops and changes the slide.  Sailor 
Jupiter's image fills the screen>

Sailor Jupiter, aka Makoto Kino.  She is exceptionally tall and strong.  We think 
she probably just drank a great deal of milk and ate all of her vegetables when 
she was young.  Moving on.

<slide changes to Sailor Mars, then quickly to Sailors Moon and ChibiMoon>

Rei Hino, nothing particularly interesting there from a scientific standpoint... 
ah, the Moon senshi.  

Sailor Moon, aka Usagi Tsukino, who has possibly the highest energy requirements 
of the senshi.  Her most outstanding features are her outlandishly long pigtails 
fixed in two odango, her prodigious appetite, and civilian-life clumsiness. 

<Sodalite indicates a pigtail and odango>

The pigtails are multifunction; firstly, they serve as a sort of antenna to 
collect ambient cosmic radiation, going a long way toward serving her tremendous 
energy needs.  The odango are storage units, so that she might have a reserve to 
draw upon in times when truly major energy expenditure is required.  (For example, 
use of the ginzoushu.)  This is why the pigtails always appear to have a life of 
their own, and stay up and off the ground even though Usagi's hair is longer than 
she is tall.  Secondly, they serve as a balancing mechanism for the unusually 
extended acrobatic feats Sailor Moon must go through in order to transform or 
attack.  In civilian life, however, when she is not performing advanced feats of 
balance and contortion, they get in her way; leading to her fabled clumsiness.  
Her endless appetite is simply yet another, more conventional expression of her 
energy needs.

<Sodalite flicks the laser over to Sailor ChibiMoon>

Chibiusa, she of the pink hair and red eyes.  Her unusual coloration is simply 
the result of a partial albinism; her skin and hair (which would have been red 
without the albinism) are mostly lacking in pigment, her eyes totally devoid of 
pigment.  There is no reason to believe that this albinism is anything more than 
a simple mutation, without specific function.  We are currently speculating on 
any other mutations ChibiUsa might be victim of, but have no conclusive results 
as yet, mostly due to dissension within the research team.

<Sodalite casts a wicked glare offscreen and changes the slide.  Sailor Venus 
comes up.>

Speculation has been cast on what, if any, evolutionary path resulted in Minako 
Aino's need to drink poisonous-looking green things.  Even more speculation has 
been cast on whether the green mystery drink may be a contributory cause to 
Minako's rumored "insanity".  One of our researchers endeavored to interview the 
subject about the drink, but returned to our lab dazed and babbling nonsense.  
Further research has been postponed until we can determine the nature of our 
researcher's temporary dementia and possibly make some headway translating her 
notes.

<The last slide brings up Mercury in all her blueness>

Sailor Mercury, aka Ami Mizuno.  Ami's outstanding features are her superintellect 
and her blue hair.  We believe the odd coloration of her hair, which matches her 
eyes and fuku, is an effort toward camouflage; she blends in with her own attack, 
the Shabon Spray, which allows her to use her powerful intellect to plot her 
enemies' downfalls.  As for her intellect... SOMEONE among the inner senshi has 
to be a strategist.  Her brains make the senshi more powerful as a whole.

<Sodalite turns off the projector and begins to pack her slides>

That's it for this edition of "Sodalite's Science Corner".  We hope that you 
enjoy and appreciate the fruits of many months of research; we aspire to the 
highest levels of scientific endeavor, and HEY!

<Sodalite takes off chasing after Mimet, who has snatched her laser pointer and 
run off>