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    Deep in the forests of Northern California, where the land is steeped in shade from the towering Redwoods, there is rumored to live a creature called Bigfoot.  His tracks have been seen, and numerous people over the years have claimed to have seen him.  His reputed size has varied as much as the huge redwood trees near where he lives.  Most place him at more than seven feet in height, and some as tall as ten.  Whatever his height, all agree he is massive and powerful.  His hair is long and shaggy, his brow heavily furrowed, with a wide nose and large nostrils.  His beard is short, his body covered with a dense cover of hair.  But he walks, runs and is cunning like a man, not an ape.
    Scientists would like to believe he is a "missing link," a creature somewhere between the ape and the earliest cave man.  This, however, is unlikely, as early man (Australopithecus - see link if you are interested:  Australopithecus) was not a true biped, but moved about much like an ape, sometimes on all fours, sometimes on two legs.  The search for Bigfoot, and in other parts of the world, sometimes known as "Yeti," however, has been in vain, for the land in which Bigfoot roams is mostly uncharted, wild as the creature himself. (If you think this is going to be an educational page, you are wrong, although there is some valid information to be found here.  However, this page is dedicated to the California (maybe other places) creature who inhabits the northern wilderness, much reputed, never seen).

(author's note:  To clarify issues and to bring the story into understandable context to the present-day mode of thinking, notes will occasionally find their way into the following parable.  Artistic license will not be denied, and social issues will be pretty much ignored.  Live with it.  For those readers who have the preconception that California is inhabited only by druggies, movie stars, long-haired males, surfers, weight lifters, bikini babes, Mickey Mouse, Goofy and the gang, as well as those of questionable sexual orientation, and that the state is a land of perpetual sunshine with all its cities snuggled next to the warm waters of the Pacific Ocean, let me assure you that the setting of this story is very real and exists on the northern coastal region of the state, not far below the Oregon border.  I have pics to prove it.  It would be a waste of my time to attempt to convince you that all the rumors about us out here are without foundation.  If you believe in the tooth fairy and Santa Claus, what chance would I have?  We do live on the "other side of the Rockies," after all.  Thus, our land and customs are as foreign to you [non-Cal people who live to the east of the formidable Rocky Mountain range] as Manatees, marriages without divorce, meatloaf-and-mashed-potatoes dinners with canned corn, Long- Island Mafia estates, brush-cuts and run-down older mountain ranges are to us.)

    Mornings, the area in which Bigfoot lives is often obscured in fog, the perpetual dampness creating an environment in which the redwoods thrive (they only exist here, by the way, so don't try growing one at home).   The creature's search for food is most likely at such times, when he can move about and hunt unobserved.  Carcasses of animals are often found, the meat devoured, the animal's bones left on the ground at the kill site. Although the death and consumption of such animals is often blamed on bears, which also are in abundance in this region, the rumors of Bigfoot persist, and men and women of artistic bent have carved his image, as they envisage it, in wood.
    The author finds it interesting that Bigfoot is called such because of the size of the footprints that have been discovered from time to time.  Although the renderings of Bigfoot indicate his massive size, including huge feet, the carvings are pretty much asexual.  Whether this is because the artists are shy or their information is sketchy in terms of other anatomical anomalies, is unknown.
 

    The existence of such a creature brings to mind the question of his origin.  If he exists, then it presupposes the existence of parents, another male and female.  Biology pretty much bears this theory out.  It requires little imagination to then extend this supposition to the possibility of siblings; brothers and/or sisters, and perhaps an entire tribe of these ape/man creatures, and even more likely, more than one tribe.
    How could such tribes exist in the late twentieth century without being discovered?  One only needs to explore the region to understand.  An occasional lonely dirt road may wind up into the hills beyond the forests, but the land there is almost bereft of human habitation.  Beyond and around such penetrations of the wilderness the land is as it has always been.  It is the hunting ground of bear, an occasional wolf, coyotes and rattlesnakes, while overhead circle the omni-present turkey buzzards, always in search of kill sites of the creatures who hunt on the ground and leave remains on which they feed.  Higher overhead, hunting usually only in the morning and late afternoon, the Peregrine falcon circles.  Swifter, more deadly by far than the buzzards, he seeks live prey, and in such a setting the hunting is good for him.  Such is the land where Bigfoot and his kinspeople live and hunt.
 

    A tribe without survival instincts would be soon routed out by hunters or explorers, but a creature with man-like cunning could easily evade searchers.  Bigfoot would be the original survivalist, but without a rifle, sleeping bag or pup tent.  The tribes would necessarily be small in number, for without medicine and forced to live in hiding, exposed to the weather, their attrition rate would be great.

    We believe Bigfoot exists, and that the rumors of his existence are not without foundation.  But there cannot be but one such creature.  As any man could say, this creature must harbor, deep within him, the longing, the instinctual need to find a mate, and although she has not been seen, we know she lives and hunts with Bigfoot.  There have been tracks discovered in the soft soil near creek or river beds of two creatures traveling together.  We have decided to name her Bigboobs, although there is no proof she is so endowed.  No artistic renderings of her exist.  Logic once again dictates that, in order for her to interest Bigfoot, she must at least be endowed with those female attributes which have and still do, cause the male creatures of the world to respond to the mating instinct.  Pre-Homo sapiens, male or female, had no language ability, and therefore the appeal of females to the males, in such times, was limited more to the physical than the mental.  As far as we know, there were no bridge games or NY Times crossword puzzles.  On the good side, there were no bookish librarians doomed to a life of abstinence, nor wimpy male accountants without appeal to the female of the species.  Darwinian in the concrete, survival and the continuation of the race eliminated the weaker of both sexes, and only the strong remained.
 

   The father and mother of Bigfoot are brother and sister, and in the way of genetics, in-breeding causes severe biological disruption in the order of things.  But also, genetics dictates that for creatures born of such mating, along with the insane or physically malformed, there occasionally springs a genius.  In the case of this post-ape, pre-man being, genius must be relative.  He is certainly cunning, endowed with knowledge and the ability to learn far superior to any of his kind.  From some innate sense, Bigfoot understood that mating with his sister was wrong (some of US still don't have that right), and so he hunted for some time, until he found another small tribe living even deeper in the woods, closer to the coast where fog prevailed and present-day man seldom ventured.
 

    Although suspicious of any stranger, the tribe Bigfoot discovered, seeing he was not hostile, allowed him to join them.  Bigfoot immediately sensed the members of the other tribe were not as intelligent as he, and in the spirit of companionship, showed them how to make spears and fashion bones into arrowheads.  He led the men into the woods and showed his skill with a spear, running down a lame deer and killing it.  They were highly impressed with his hunting skills and superior weapons.
    He spent more than a week with the tribe, and in the early days he noticed he had caught the eye of one of their women, who, it turned out, was Bigboobs ("...across a crowded room.." - For those who have never heard the song, I'd sing it for you, but it would take too long to d/l the .wav file).  The sound of her grunting was most appealing to him, and he loved to watch her tear the meat from the bones of animals as she snarled like some beast of the wild.  He also felt an unfamiliar heat in his loins when he looked at her breasts peeking through the mat of hair on her chest (Remind you of your ex?).  When the tribe sat around the fire in the evening, this woman-creature always sat nearby, her dark eyes fixed on him, her strong legs curled beneath her.  He also saw jealousy in the eyes of one of the men from her obvious attention to him, but he felt no fear.  There was not a member among them as large or as intelligent as he.  Although he could not factor equations nor figure how long it would take before the train leaving Boston would catch up with the automobile that left two and a half hours earlier, he could make arrowheads from bone and rocks and make a mighty spear with which to hunt and fish.
 

    On the sixth day of his visit, Bigfoot walked into the woods and returned with wildflowers, pink and purple and yellow and approached Bigboobs and with a grunt handed them to her.  She frowned, looked at the flowers, then at him, then took the flowers and there was a look of pleasure in her eyes.  Perhaps she was the first woman to find pleasure in the gift of nature from a potential mate.  She brought the flowers to her face and he could hear her sniff them with pleasure, for he knew they had the sweetness of honey in their scent.  Her eyes ran over his massive body and shone with approval and something he perceived as lust, although he wasn't sure what that was. Pleased, she began to munch on the flowers.
    That night, in the after-hush when the campfire had been reduced to ashes and the others were asleep, Bigboobs came to Bigfoot, shook him awake, and led him out into the woods to a small clearing.  As she walked ahead of him, Bigfoot felt the heat in his loins come over him once again as he watched her naked buttocks move as she walked in the way women have walked since the beginning of time.
    He had watched males and females couple in his own tribe, and it was always in the way of animals; brutal, the man taking the women from behind, which they thought natural.  He watched as Bigboobs knelt down in the soft grass, bending her head to the ground, grunting, inviting him to take her.  Instead, feeling something else he didn't understand, he lay down beside her.  Her hair smelled pleasantly of bear grease, but her body was clean and there was the scent of woman about her that tingled his nostrils.  She grunted louder, as if impatient, but he pulled her to the ground beside him and put his arms around her, holding her to him.  He felt her arm slide around his back, and her eyes were fixed on his, her face still in a frown as though she did not understand his reluctance to mate with her in the usual way.  It felt good to him to hold this female, her body warm against his.  Her body hair was soft against his and her face felt warm against his cheek.
    But although he had no experience in such things, Bigfoot, after a time, managed to figure out a position that seemed to work well for what he had in mind (I KNOW you can figure this out - if you have a problem with visualization, write to me at the link below and I'll send diagrams [sure, I will]), and it pleased him he could look into this female's eyes as they coupled, however inadroitly.   She bit his neck viciously, dug her filthy nails into his back, and the feeling that came over him overpowered all his senses as the sounds of their animal lust echoed into the darkness about them.
    After they had slept, and in the still of the morning, with fog swirling about them, he took her hand and dragged her with him through the forest and headed back to his own tribe.  En route, he caught game and found water and led Bigboobs to it, sensing her lesser strength and survival abilities. (Hey, read on; I do say she is one tough mama!)  When they reached the land of the Redwood trees, Bigfoot, with grunts and sighs, made his family and the rest of the tribe understand that Bigboobs was his woman and they welcomed her, offering her meat, which she devoured like an animal, tearing the meat from the bones, her eyes watching the strangers with distrust.  After several days, she felt comfortable in their presence, but she was always under the protection of her mate.
 

    Not a woman to sit in a cave and wait for her mate to bring her food, Bigboobs now travels with Bigfoot, unafraid, herself a force with which to be reckoned (ladies, make note of this well).  She is smaller than Bigfoot, as most females are, but much larger than any Homo sapiens in the region.  Her hair, also, is long, but finer than her mate's, the color brown as the bark on the trees around her, and it reaches down to her lower back.  As she is as fleet of foot as Bigfoot, Bigboobs is as finely conditioned as he, with fine, taut breasts (we're guessing, here) and wide hips meant for the bearing of children.  She, too, is covered with body hair (a throwback which European women, by rumor, endorse).  Many nights, when only the nocturnal creatures hunt the forests, the screams of their mating resound through the trees, muted somewhat by the foliage (good thing there were no tape recorders or video cameras around).  One wonders if there is ever tenderness in their lovemaking, or whether it is the savage lust of creatures who know no tenderness toward each other and only respond to the demands of their bodies to procreate.
 

    Bigboobs knows Bigfoot's family as well as the rest of the tribe, and knows her mate's brother, Bigschwantz, who has a heady reputation of his own.  His giant male appendage swings when he runs like a cable.  He has not figured out how to contain this impediment to his comfort, as Jockey shorts had not yet made their appearance.  (Although he had no way of knowing, he, like the others in the tribe, were also known as Homo erectus, which translates as "Upright man," but Bigboobs may well have had other thoughts about the "erectus" part, including the significance of "upright").  Bigboobs, with the base instincts of her kind, was tempted to mate with Bigschwantz, but Bigfoot was more powerful and older, being the first-born, and drove his brother away when he detected his mate's interest in his brother's attributes.
 
 
 

    One morning, before the sun had risen high above the towering tips of the surrounding Redwood trees to drive the fog back to the sea, Bigfoot and Bigboobs were hunting.  Bigfoot led his mate, with great caution, to an area where he knew creatures somewhat like himself, but far different, occasionally came together in small groups.  He could smell fire, which to him meant either warmth or danger.  Lurking behind the thick trunks of trees, he could see two of the creatures he had seen many times before in his wanderings, sitting together on some wooden structure which he did not understand.  With his sensitive sense of smell, he detected food.  He could hear Bigboobs sniffing, also, and she rubbed her belly, which he understood meant she hungered, also.
    The man-creatures wore some kind of cover over their bodies which Bigfoot did not understand, but he guessed it was for warmth.  He considered racing into the camp, killing the creatures with his spear and stealing the food he knew was there.  Something inside him made him hesitate.  He sensed these members of another tribe were much like him, but without hair on their bodies as far as he could see, which was probably why they needed the cover over their bodies.  They were also pitifully small and appeared weak to him.  The female, which he readily recognized, looked soft and her skin was very white, without hair, but something about her caused the heat feeling in his loins and he touched himself.  Bigboobs snarled softly.
    Bigfoot led his mate away from the other male and female and into the woods again.  He quickly spotted a large bird running across the ground and threw his spear, killing it.  He and Bigboobs ripped the feathers from it and tore the meat from its bones, quickly devouring it.  Discarding the remains, they began to move on.  Suddenly Bigfoot heard a snarl and paused, holding his spear in front of him.  A huge brown bear lumbered into view, a male, swinging his head back and forth as he eyed the creatures.  Bigfoot understood the bird creatures which swooped down from the sky after he had killed food.  They ate the remains and were no threat to him.  And he sensed this huge hairy creature, larger than himself, had come for food, also.  He had seen bear before, but their massive size and ferocity kept him from attacking them for food.  Sometimes the men of the tribe went together to attack and kill bear, because it meant much food for them, but none of the men ever dared attack one by himself.  Bigfoot began to back away, Bigboobs behind him, snarling softly.
    The bear lumbered forward toward them, not hurrying, still moving its head from side to side, walking on all fours.  Bigfoot snarled at the bear and waved his arms, hoping to frighten it, to show his lack of fear.  Instead, the bear rose on its hind feet, stretching to its full height of more than twelve feet.  Bigfoot was awed and he heard the fear sound from his mate.  They backed slowly from the bear, but the huge male dropped to its feet and attacked, running swiftly toward them.
    Bigboobs had a spear her mate had made for her, but she was frightened of the huge bear snarling and running toward them.  Bigfoot raised his spear and threw it with all his strength at the bear, striking it in the shoulder, the point driving deep from the power of the thrust.  The bear made a howl of pain and rage, then struck Bigfoot with a savage swipe of its paw, slamming him to the ground.  He was unable to fend the bear off, and the bear's teeth dug into his shoulder, tearing flesh.  Bigboobs raced up beside the bear, sensing its vulnerable spot and, using both hands, rammed her spear deep into the bear's chest, beneath its huge front leg.  The bear howled, a terrible scream of pain, but he was still trying to kill Bigfoot, who was struggling beneath its tremendous weight.  Bigboobs pulled the spear out and rammed it in again, twisting it viciously.  Blood poured out of the bear's mouth all over Bigfoot and then the bear collapsed suddenly on top of him and lay still.  Bigboobs pulled her spear out, ready to strike again, but the bear didn't move.
    She helped drag her mate out from beneath the bear, saw the grievous wound to his shoulder and found some leaves and mud and rubbed them over the wound, staunching the flow of blood.  They began to circle the dead bear together in a sort of dance of victory, grunting, making sounds of success at the kill.  Bigboobs ran off as Bigfoot began to cut and strip the hide from the bear, and soon she returned with the rest of the tribe to share in the bounty of food.
    It took much of the afternoon to cut the meat and carry it back to their home, but Bigfoot and Bigboobs were the recipients of much praise and worshipful grunting from everyone in the tribe.
By signs and gestures, Bigfoot showed the tribe how he had tried to kill the bear and how Bigboobs had finally killed it with her spear and they looked in wonder upon this newest member of the tribe, a woman with the strength and daring of ten men (Okay, are we happy with this female, as vicious and self-sufficient as a woman lawyer?).
 

    In the beginning of wisdom with which mankind was yet to experience, Bigfoot understand that not only was Bigboobs his mate, but they shared the pleasure of hunting, food and warmth together, and in their joining there was protection for each of them.  She had saved his life, and he knew he would save hers should the occasion ever arise.  He understood, in some inner place,  that neither man nor woman was meant to live alone, although they could, but there was much to celebrate together, in the joining of their spirits and their bodies, in the pleasure of success at a hunt, and sometimes, in the quiet of a late afternoon, of simply lying on the soft grass, feeling the heat of the sun warming their bodies, to watch the beautiful falcon circling far above, hunting also, sharing the sky and the land with them.
    Bigboobs still snuck occasional glances at Bigschwantz and his outrageously huge member, but she felt safe and protected with Bigfoot and did not wish to incur his wrath, although she was sorely tempted.  Her mating with Bigfoot was pleasurable to her and much different that it had been with other males of her own tribe.  She thought, should the occasion (or he) arise (as in "erectus"), she would like to experience Bigschwantz in some private and secure place out of the reach and sound of the tribe, and especially, her mate.  But for now, she was content and she tended Bigfoot's wounds as the tribe devoured the fresh meat of the bear she and Bigfoot had killed.
 

    So, should you venture into the Redwoods on the California coast, and camp in one of the campgrounds there and read signs warning of bears, and should you see, some night or in the early morning when fog enshrouds the land in its white vapor, two huge creatures pass silently through the mist nearby, remember who they might be, and be not deceived that they are bears.  You are encroaching on their land, where they live and hunt, but they will leave you alone, for they know that somehow, someway, you are akin to them, and they will not harm you.  You will never capture them on film, but perhaps, like others before you, when the mist clears and the sun rises above the tips of the Redwoods, you will find their tracks, two sets of prints in the soft soil near your campground, and you will know.

The End

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11/12/99