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As visions of horror invade my mind. It isn't a bad dream or nightmare as such; But actual scenes from my life...from another time. I was a child in body, but not in my head; He forced me to grow up early to survive. I didn't know what it was like to be a real child; I was an adult in a pint-sized body at the age of nine. He told me that he was helping me, that I needed to learn; But I didn't want to know the things he would teach. I just wanted to play like other kids and be normal; Unfortunately, the secrets I had made being normal out of my reach. I kept silent for years, until it finally slipped out; By then it was over anyway. I tried to forget and think of it as the past; But the memories of his "lessons" were in my mind to stay. I had learned not to feel the pain that they caused; Because no one was there to help me endure. I kept all the hurt and anger inside; No one would ever see or know it, I was sure. I'd cry in the darkness and be afraid of the light; For if someone looked in my eyes I was sure they could see, the things that had happened....the innocence lost, And I knew if they saw that, they would surely blame me. However, over time there are other lessons I learned; I realized that hiding my pain was a mistake. That burying it only made it worse because the pain was still there, And at times so intense that all I did was ache. Many years have passed, many changes have occurred; The most important one being the Lord. I now have a family and many friends to help me, I can, at last, face and endure the pain from before. I am healing slowly, day by day; God has touched my life and repaired my shattered soul. I look forward to that someday in time; When I dance the dance of victory and am finally whole. ~Kris and Rhonnie~ like to be posted here, Mail me This site is where you can add your name to others who have survived childhood sexual abuseBreaking the Silence Comradery This site is where you can read other's stories of abuse and gain courage from them.Breaking the Silence Supported you through your trials inThe Rock of Support for all to see in The Wall Hope for Recovery who's only crime is trying to stay alive inNeal and Jesse of courage, tenasity, and ability to break the cycle against all odds in the amazing site called Ghostwolf 1-800-96-ABUSE |
